Nigredo

Photography by Janine Van Der Tuin.

This was the first shoot I did in which I was covered in paint.
This was probably also the beginning of one of the darkest times of my life, though at the time of this shoot the coming of The Tower was still unknown to me.

This shoot began initially as an Absinthe shoot, where we took some very clean and simple shots of me playing with the idea of intoxication. All I knew was that at some point of the intoxication I wanted black paint to drip out my one eye.

As the day progressed and the Absinthe was consumed, the mood shifted, and the one drop of paint became the entire tin, the results of which are depicted above.

After I saw the shots, I knew they had a lot of meaning for me at that time, but I did not understand why. I initially called this shoot Zeitgeist, the black was in the air around me and it was only after some time and much heartache that I understood why.

Zeitgeist became Nigredo as I found Alchemy. It helped me understand why I had the desire to be covered in black. It was a subliminal process. What was around me ended up being poured over me for me to see.

To be consumed on the outside as I was on the inside. The thought was then that perhaps this process can work both ways. That by covering myself on the outside I can work on the inside.

There is a long delay between this shoot and the next one. There are more shots taken in the months between, but they are all also black, and they are cold. The hilarity of a prolonged state of Nigredo is that eventually you lose the fire and the ability to do anything.

I chose to put these ones up because it was the beginning and although it still hurts to see them, they are the ones most precious to me.

MissRevolution 23 January 2009 10:45pm
(original shoot October 2007)